I know that you have seen the hype and fuss about the benefits of dating a woman from Russia or Eastern Europe. Foreign themed sites point out that you can often find a woman with high education, very attractive looks, and a motivation towards a serious relationship.

There is, however, a flip side to this story. When considering dating or having a relationship with a woman from Eastern Europe or Russia you would be wise to think about the answer to the following question:

What are some of the difficulties that you will encounter because of the visa and travel rules from Russia or Eastern Europe?

If you have already found a nice woman from Eastern Europe or Russia, you may find that the normal relationship-building phase that you have with a Western woman, will be not available or practical to you. Why is this the case? The reason for this is that most women from Russia or Eastern Europe will not be free to travel to visit you! For those of you that live in the US, this problem will be a foreign concept for you, so you may miss it. In general, the US has resisted national identity cards. For those of us that travel all the time, we are accustomed to just getting on an airplane and flying almost anywhere; flash your passport and you are on your way.

But, for many outside the US and Western Europe, it is not so simple.

If you travel to Western Europe, you will normally find that a visa attained prior to your trip is not required. Your passport is just stamped at the destination airport. Depending on the country, this “entry visa” is often good for 90 days.

Traveling to Eastern Europe is a little more complicated but similar. Many of the former Soviet Satellite States such as the Ukraine, Estonia, and Latvia will also allow you to enter by just showing your passport upon arrival at the airport. The length of time that you can stay on this tourist visa varies by country.

If your friend lives in Russia, or Belarus, the differences could not be more different as well as more aggravating. The process to visit these countries is archaic. So archaic that you will think you stepped back in time 50 years. In general, here is the process. First you must decide where you want to go. Let’s say your friend lives in St. Petersburg. You decide you want to visit St. Petersburg and now you must make a hotel reservation. You find and reserve a nice hotel in the city. At this point, however, you need an “invitation.” The hotel or another travel agency can get you a special “letter of invitation” with the dates of your travel and itinerary spelled out.

You think that you are done? Not so fast, you are not even close!

Next you must get your flight arrangements. The airlines may not give you your ticket until you have the invitation.

The following step, and the worst step, is you have to mail or visit the Russian consulate and give them your passport with copies of everything you have as well as a passport photo. In about 3 weeks they will send all you documents back; At least you hope so! Now you are ready for your trip!

Here is another example.

You have a friend in Kiev that is one of the easier countries to enter. You fly in, go to a hotel, and all is normal. The weekend goes well and you ask your friend “Svetlana”, “Why don’t you come visit me next month?” After an awkward pause, you discover that she can’t visit you next month, perhaps not even next year or ever! In order for Svetlana to visit you, she will be required to get an exit visa from her country as well as an entry visa to the US. It gets very technical but in general the American Consulate in Kiev will not issue tourist visas for reproductive age woman to visit the US! Of course, you can marry her after a few visits, get a K-3 visa, apply for a K-1 visa and take your chances.

The point of all of this is that this encompassing and unfortunate bureaucracy will make it very difficult for you to have a normally developing relationship. Generally, a normal relationship is one in which you have many casual dates, in a relaxed setting, and over a long period of time. But, do they want that? Not so fast.

In general, these women are only looking for someone that is “serious.” Her definition of “serious” is someone who is willing to

invest a significant amount of money and time on them before the man even knows them. No dating please: an engagement after only a few days together or hit the road.

“It’s alright to think twice.”

“For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost…” Luke 14:28

A new book by author Graham Stony entitled “How To Become A Chick Magnet” is an exciting addition to the dating literature in general and men’s literature in particular. This book takes an interesting and fascinating approach in providing tools to men who seek the girl of their dreams.

Using an organized approach, the book is divided into two parts. The first part primarily deals with the psychological aspects of finding and keeping a beautiful woman. The second part is a set of tools that the men should consider putting in their toolbox in order to achieve this goal.

The book is replete with personal stories from the author’s life including interesting, as well as amusing stories describing his travels overseas as well as in the United States. The book contains ample quotes from the relevant literature, which are sprinkled throughout the chapters driving a point home or providing deep insight.

The psychological section is divided into 12 steps. These steps include but are not in limited to the following:

Step One: Stop Trying To Make People Like You

Step Two: Ditch Your Emotional Baggage

Step Three: Quiet Your Inner Critic

Step Five: Master Your Fear

Step Six: Worrying About What Other People Think, and so on.

Right from the introduction we get the sense of the depth of this work. Making statements such as “Once you get your mindset right, you won’t have to do anything in order to attract woman. It’s all about who you are, not what you do” and “woman love guys who are real. They want the real you.” Quotes such as these reflect his understanding that genuine people form healthy relationships.

Each chapter also comes with a box with enclosed bullets that you can use as study points. Step Two, Ditch Your Emotional Baggage” includes the bullet points “Get in Touch With Your Feelings” and Broaden Your Emotional Vocabulary.”

The first half of the book continues until he reaches step 12 which is entitled: “Change Your Thinking” and begins with a quote from Rhonda Byrne, who wrote The Secret, and states “You are a genius beyond description, so start telling yourself that and become aware of who you really are.”

This half closes with a discussion of numerous workshops held around the world and on the Internet to help you develop relationship skills.

The second half, what he calls the “Skill Set”, are things and activities that individuals should do in order to increase their variety in life, cultivate healthy interests, and enhance your intelligence. He includes discussions such as, learning to dance, learning to speak a foreign language, learning to cook, taking a drama course, and starting your own business. In all, he’s encouraging the reader to get up and get moving, essentially informing us that the couch potato will never have success in life or in getting that beautiful partner.

As someone who reads much of the relationship and couples literature, I found this book to be wholesome, accurate, timely, and thought provoking.

Although the title, “How To Become A Chick Magnet”, reflects the main goal of finding an appropriate partner, the methods and the activities discussed in the book go way beyond this one facet of your life.

He encourages an active lifestyle, healthy relationships, and the quest for knowledge. In the end, this type of attitude can only bring success to any endeavor.

This is a must read!

Click Here!

Should You Have Sex On The First Date?

Copyright  2010 William Marzullo

Do you dream about making a “score” and having sex on the first date with a new partner? If you don’t, what do you think about people with this attitude? There are many opinions about this behavior. Here are a few more questions to consider in terms of this topic.

1. How has the birth control pill changed behavior with regards to early sex?

2. Will first date sex, or early sex among couples, lead to a long-lasting committed relationship?

For those of us who are little older, we remember clearly how it used to be. I remember my high school class, a class of about 440 graduating seniors. It was one of our favorite pastimes to consider the names of people we knew and argue about whether this or that person in the class had “gone all the way.” Although the class was very large we could only name a few individuals that we thought were having sex! What was the reason for this? In retrospect, the reason was clear. At that time, the birth control pill was just coming into use. Presumably, most of the young teenage girls were not on birth control. It was therefore, the fear of pregnancy that promoted abstinence and restraint.

This earlier lack of contraceptive choices is in stark contrast to today. Depending upon the state of residence, most teenage girls as well as adults, have ready access to birth control pills and other birth control devices. But, with this lack of restraint, has the divorce rate or the relationship breakup rate declined.

The answer is surprising. With all the relationship counseling and talk among new couples regarding sexual chemistry and the attributes of compatibility, we have actually seen a large increase over the years in the divorce rate.

How does this relate to unmarried couples in a new relationship? I think it is not an unreasonable assumption to consider that as the divorce rate has increased, so has the breakup rate and frequency of failed relationships among casual couples also increased. If, therefore, early sex in presumed long-term relationship has not led to longer and more stable relationships, then it is clear that early sex in a casual, dating relationship will not lead to a long term commitment either.

First date sex is therefore highly disruptive and not recommended. In addition early sex between couples is also not recommended. A relationship that has its basis mainly in sex and physical attraction may see an early demise when the physical attraction begins to lose its novelty.

Giving Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend Money

© 2010, William Marzullo, MD

Many men and women in a new relationship, struggle with the difficult question of financial support for their partner.  Should they or should they not help them with their normal bills. This is a very difficult question, and it leads to a great deal of stress and possible breakup of the relationship.

Both men and women frequently form relationships for ulterior motives. The man may be lonely and have a need for sex and companionship, while the woman may be looking for someone to help raise her children or to provide some financial support. While these are natural motives, and not necessarily negative, a relationship formed on the basis of chemistry, attraction, and common interests, comes under great stress when money comes into play.

Usually after the couple has been together for a while, one of the partners begins by asking for occasional money payments for some outstanding or nonrecurring expenses. This may be for items such as car repair, the need for a major appliance, or an outstanding medical bill.

This request creates immediate stress for the giving partner. He or she may give the money but not feel good about it. They feel that they have been pushed prematurely into a level of commitment or responsibility that they are not yet ready for in the relationship.

Soon, the requests for money become more frequent. As this occurs, the giving partner realizes that the gifts of money have been linked to sexual intimacy or other favors. In order to keep the relationship going, the giving partner finds that he or she is now paying many of his or her partners monthly bills, and does not like it.

In this scenario, at least two mistakes were made by the couple.

1. The basis of the relationship was changed or redefined.

2. The giver of the money did not set appropriate boundaries.

In a relationship where both partners live together, the resources are pooled for the common good of the family unit. Each brings talents and assets together which are synergistic, making the whole greater than the sum of the parts. Each member feels responsibility towards the other to contribute and to maintain this productive family environment.

In the informal dating relationship described, this is not the case. The giver and receiver of the money live apart from each other, have separate lives, and thus lack family unit goal building and a sense of common responsibility. This creates manipulation by the receiver of the money and resentment by the giver. If the sex for money link becomes strong enough, the receiving partner may develop a feeling of entitlement that enables them to feel no sense of responsibility whatsoever for attainment of payments. In essence, they are getting many of the benefits of a family unit without any of the work. The other giving partner does all the work but gets few of the benefits.

What is the answer to this dilemma?

It is a bad decision to pay recurring bills or give money to a boyfriend or girlfriend. Helping your friend on a very infrequent basis maybe fine but you must avoid the appearance of providing regular support prior to establishment of a formal relationship.

Set boundaries and do not let the other partner redefine the relationship into something that you do not desire.

Otherwise, you may be giving everything and getting nothing.

You Have a Girlfriend: Is it Fire or Style?

Remember how it was, when you “fell in love?” You could not wait to call or see that person. Your weekend activities were consumed with intimacy. You were sure,  “this was really the one.”

Six or eight months later, if you broke up, you couldn’t understand what went wrong. Was it the sex or some other issues?

It was the other issues.

Many couples go through the same scenario. It is almost like a script from a movie and may go something like this.

The man and woman meet online and after a few weeks of chatting, followed by talking on the telephone, they meet for coffee. The man and the woman, out of a divorce a few years and not in a relationship, are hungry for human touch, for affection, and connection. He thinks that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and she thinks he is the most interesting and intelligent man she ever met. On the second date, they go to her house and what follows is 6 months of bliss and heightened sexual activity. Then the bottom seems to fall out.  The sex becomes infrequent, they start to argue, and they begin to lose interest in each other. Finally, they call it quits. “I guess that she was not the one,” he says.

Well, maybe or maybe not.

This “head over heels” love story usually occurs after you have not had sex or been in a relationship for a long time. It is no secret, and the falling in love process is actually associated with the pleasure pathways that have been acting on us since time began. These pathways are hard-wired into us and are designed to insure the procreation of the human species. Meeting and having sex trigger the release of dopamine and serotonin. When dopamine is released, it gives a person a sense of well-being. It tells us that the behavior we are doing is good for us. Serotonin gives us a feeling of confidence and security. The two working together are powerful mind magic that makes us feel that we are falling in love. This “high on love” feeling may last for up to a year. So, if you understand this, you may help yourself to avoid a mistake. For this reason, I recommend that you date your chosen partner for at least a year prior to any marriage engagement.

What brought about the breakup was not “fire” but “style” or should I say lifestyle. In the long term, the most important aspect of a relationship is the lifestyle of the participants.  If, for example, your prospective partner likes outdoor sports activities and you would rather play scrabble every weekend, the relationship will have problems. If you are an avid churchgoer, and your partner is a twice a year churchgoer, that could spell trouble ahead. None of these problems are unsolvable, but the more dissimilarity in lifestyle, the greater chance for relationship difficulties. It is therefore reasonable that the new couple consider using one of the many personality inventory and compatibility measurement tools before things get out of hand. Most of the large dating sites have them available and there is one in “The Perfect Match” for you to use. Upon completion of one of these tools, if you come up with many areas of dissimilarity, you know that you have your work cut out for you and can get started; sooner rather than later.

So, the next time the fire in your relationship starts to fizzle, consider that it was lifestyle issues and not water on the fire.

© 2010, William Marzullo

You Want  a Thin Girlfriend – Are you Fit Enough For It?

Are you one of those people that only wants to date a thin man or woman?
Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?
Are you asking for something that you are not even delivering yourself?

Perhaps you have read many articles regarding weight loss and cannot decide which is better, low-fat, low-carbohydrate, high-protein, and so forth.

Before we get to that question, I want you to be aware of a medical term. This term is called the Basal Metabolic Rate or BMR. The BMR is how many Calories your body burns while at total rest. This value is influenced by age, current weight, height, sex, and many other factors. If you search online, you will find many online calculators. For example, my BMR is about 1542 Calories per day. This number is then multiplied by a factor to get an estimate of my total caloric needs. I my case, I would multiply it by 1.55, the factor for a moderately active person, which gives me a total caloric intake of 2390 Calories to maintain my current weight.

The difference between the BMR and my total caloric needs, is only 848 calories. I now want make a ratio of this difference to my full caloric requirement. This ratio becomes 848 / 2390, or 35%.

This means that there is only a 35% difference between what I need to eat to live and what I need to eat with an active lifestyle and not gain weight! That is not much of a difference to work with.

If we look at some high calorie foods, we can see how little this is. Two oatmeal cookies are about 250 Calories and one cup of butter pecan ice cream is 600 Calories.We have already eaten our 850 Calorie difference!

Many times patients come into my office and complain that they are having trouble losing weight. I try to explain to them that the human species is very efficient at both storing and using energy. This is a good thing and it has enabled us to survive periods of famine.

Some of these same patients tell me that they are jogging two miles, three times a week and are furious, “I am dieting and exercising and I am sill not losing!”  You may not realize it, but on average we burn only 100 calories per mile running. So this person used up 600 Calories a week or a little over 2 oatmeal cookies. I know that you are getting the picture. It is hard to lose weight.

How do we solve this difficult problem?

The answer is both simple and not so simple at the same time. Despite all the variations in diet types that you may be aware of, if you burn up more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. If you burn less, you will gain weight. This is a well proven fact.

One way to do this is by calorie counting. There are numerous software tools, many for free, that will help you accomplish the task. I have a free program on my iPhone called “Lose It!” that I use to record each meal and to keep track of my daily intake.

For sure, there are some problems with calorie counting; it can be tedious, time consuming, you have to ensure that you have the correct portion size, and you may not be focusing on eating healthy. We will not discuss those issues here as there are dozens of books and competing thoughts on the subject. I just want to get across the idea that if you take in more calories than you burn up, you will gain weight.

One idea is to calorie count for a few weeks so that you can learn by experience what is the appropriate amount to eat. You will quickly see that you have been eating way too much and over time you can slowly adjust the amount that you consume. Everything should be done slowly. You did not gain all this weight overnight so don’t try to lose it overnight. Be patient.

Let’s compare this to driving on a long distance trip from New Jersey and to either San Diego or Seattle. Although these cities are on opposite ends of the west coast, the driving directions are not that different. We get to the destination we desire by making only a few small changes in our path that in the long term, result in a very different outcome.  A few small changes have led to another destination.

You can do the same thing. Just make some small changes that over time will add up to a different destination. In this case, some weight loss.

Don’t forget:

• See your doctor before you embark on any fitness or exercise plan

• Do not skip meals, it is associated with obesity

• The difference in the diet types only has a temporary effect on total weight loss

• Eat slowly

• Eat a healthy diet

• Avoid liquid calories

• Find a sports activity you enjoy and that you can do on a regular basis
  

So the next time that you decide you want to date a girl who is at her ideal weight, look in the mirror. Are you asking for something that you are not delivering yourself?

What is good for the goose should be good for the gander.  Now that is a little food for thought.

Before embarking on any diet or exercise program talk to your doctor. This article is meant for information  and entertainment purposes only and is not to be considered medical treatment.

Sitting under the palms, the breeze swaying the fronds. The sky is blue and the water crystal clear. You see her approach from the beach, her hair wet from the swim. She looks marvelous, almost like she is gliding on air as she walks your way. She approaches, you fumble around, nervousness causing beads of sweat on your forehead. “Don’t blow this one”, you mutter to yourself. Closer, closer until she stops! At the beach chair 10 feet away and gives her husband a kiss on the cheek.

For those of you who have lived in this scenario it is clear that you want to know how to get a pretty girlfriend. What you may not realize is that the expression of that thought is one of the main reasons that you are failing in you pursuit. Let’s change our focus. It is not that most men do not desire a pretty girlfriend, they do. It is just that the emphasis is misplaced.

I remember as a young boy of 16, after returning home from one of my first dates, I asked my mother, “Mom, did you think she was pretty?” As clear as if it were yesterday, I can still hear her reply, “was she a nice girl? That is what is important.”

Remember that outward beauty is only one aspect of a persons presentation. Surely, it is a dramatic aspect of that presentation, but it is only one of many. You may be surprised to know that beautiful women do not like being objects of every man’s desire, if that desire is for the wrong reasons. Have you ever noticed that when you are around men that have beautiful wives, they never talk about it? That is because if the relationship is healthy, they see this person in all their complexities and talents and weakness, and love them as a person not as an object. They don’t just see the outer package.

Do you notice that when you get nervous, you have sweaty palms, your heart beats at a fast rate, you may stutter, and your thoughts are not clear.

These are symptoms of stress and you can not perform when in this state of mind. Would you be so nervous if the girl was a talented musician or painter, an expert golfer, perhaps a great scrabble player. The answer is probably no.

Therefore, you want a nice person who is a good artist, to be your pretty girlfriend, or a nice person who plays golf, to be your pretty girlfriend, or a nice person who is a great scrabble player to be your pretty girlfriend, and so forth.

So, here are some specific things to help you.

1. A pretty girlfriend is not an ornament to be worn around your neck.
2. You want a nice person, with characteristics you desire, to be your pretty girlfriend.
3. You will not focus on the outer package in your approach but on those other things.
4..You will not be nervous because you are more interested in the other qualities she has which are actually more important.
5. Because you are not nervous, your hands will not be sweaty, and you will be yourself.
6. Because you are being yourself, your possible pretty girlfriend can decide if she likes your personality.
7. If she likes your personality, you will have a good time, you will make her laugh,she will have a good time.

And guess what? You may wake up one day with an accountant, or musician, or artist or stockbroker, that happens to be the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. Now you have your pretty girlfriend. Your perfect match girlfriend.

This process is like a ballet, but ballet itself has many techniques to be learned.

Now that you finally got the date that date you desired, what are some of the things that you did on your first date?

This blog is a place for you to come and write you ideas so we can all learn from each other. I will start it off with some thoughts about dating ideas. Feel free to chime in below and let me know what you think with your own comments.

Would you like to go to the movies?

This has been a traditional first date since the invention of the cinema. What do you think of it? The traditional movie date with snacks afterward is a terrible date. Here is why. Most importantly, you cannot talk during the movie. How does that help you to get to know the person? If you are interested in her, then you must do something where you can hear her story! Furthermore, if you go to a movie and have snacks after, the date is too long. The first date should be short. No more than 90 minutes.

Dinner at 6?

This classical date suffers a similar problem to the movie date. It goes too long, too expensive and you are SITTING. Do not go on a first date where you are sitting. There are more pheromones released when you are moving around. A walk around the mall will get you further along that the traditional dinner date. Besides, do you want to blow 100 bucks on someone you may never see again?

Letʼs go out to the ballgame.

If she has children and you go to her kids game with her, you have scored a home run! Why? Easy, she is showing you off to her friends and neighbors, feels comfortable having you around her Kids, you can not do better.